


Don't leave me to fight alone

by wolfypuppypiles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke left, F/M, Gen, Hurt Bellamy, Nightmares, PTSD, Protective Octavia, aftermath of Mount Weather, aftermath of season 2, higher rating than normal just to be safe, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4188183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfypuppypiles/pseuds/wolfypuppypiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another fic about Bellamy with PTSD (whoops) basically just because I wrote a fic about Clarke coming back because she had been tricked into thinking Bellamy was dying so I thought I'd write one where he really is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Octavia woke to the screams of her brother. She heard them almost every night but she never got used to how broken he sounded or the feeling of her own heart breaking when she held him after his nightmare. She stumbled out of her tent and found her brother already out of his. 

She had wanted to share his tent with him but Bellamy was adamant that she stayed with Lincoln instead. Even if she stayed with him after a nightmare anyway. But now he was already out of his tent, not quite awake yet, crying out and making his way to the camp gates.

“Clarke! Clarke where are you?” Octavia took hold of the man’s arms and tried to make him face her.

“Bellamy, she’s gone, remember? Clarke’s gone away but she’s alright and she won’t be gone forever.”

The soldier shook his head but seemed to be clearer than before. 

“No I have to find her, they had her and…I.” He looked so confused and was still staring at the tree line beyond the gates, looking for any sign of his blond haired princess.

“It was only a dream Bell.” He finally looked at her as she rubbed his arms.

“She’s gone?” Octavia nodded and Bellamy’s face crumpled as he let out a whimper and dropped his head to his sister’s shoulder. 

“I’m so tired O.” 

The grounder rubbed his back as he cried and tried not to cry herself. The past few weeks had been so hard on everyone in the camp, Bellamy’s screams were not the only ones that could be heard at night. 

In fact there was always a camp fire that blazed through the night, next to Monty’s stash of moonshine, for anyone that couldn’t sleep. She knew Bellamy could often be found there, during the day too he frequented Monty’s moonshine stash that somehow went unnoticed by the camps guards.

“I know Bell. I’m so sorry.”

She held him for a while before leading him back to his tent. It was only a few paces from hers and she could see Lincolns face poking out the door of their tent giving her a small nod. He knew where she went every night. He sometimes had to help if Bellamy’s nightmares were more violent than usual.

So many people in camp had PTSD and Abby was constantly handing out sleeping droughts but it wasn’t just sleep that Bellamy needed help with. 

Octavia didn’t like to leave him alone for long and sometimes she would see him stare at nothing with the most horrified expression on his face. He would shake and mutter things that Octavia wouldn’t be able to understand. She would talk to him and take his face in her hands till he came back to reality still scared out of his mind.

He barely ate anymore either, having to be sat with during meals to make sure he ate it all. 

“I don’t want it O. I can’t just sit here eating when….”

She knew how much he thought about all the lives lost in Mount Weather. She knew he remembered bodies slumped over tables and dead faces pressed into the plates of food they never got to finish. Rooms full of bodies, a mountain full of people that his hands had killed. 

And she knew that no matter how many times she told him he had no choice or that he saved everyone else, he would forever hold the weight of all those lives on his shoulders. He saw their blood on his hands every day and Octavia could do nothing to help him wash it away.   
Others had gotten worried as well, some of the delinquents trying to coax a meal into him or take the ever present cup of moonshine from the man but he was growing worse each day. Octavia did all she could for her brother but she knew what would help her brother more than anything. The return of his princess. 

Because without her he would have to bear the guilt of their decision alone. Without her he couldn’t protect their people. Without her he was lost with no air in his lungs and no warmth in his bones. Octavia was keeping Bellamy alive but he felt like he was drowning under the weight of his actions and his guilt. He had no idea if Clarke was okay where she was and if she died than that would be his fault too. And that was a death he could not bear. 

With the little sleep he was getting and the little he was eating it wasn’t a surprise when he caught the sickness spreading through camp. The virus was strong but wasn’t much to worry about according to Abby. Mostly it was unpleasant but would pass but for Bellamy, whose body was too weak to put up much of a fight, it turned to something worse.

Octavia had been with him when his coughing wouldn’t stop and she was there when he collapsed. She screamed for help as her brother struggled for air in her arms and he was quickly taken to medical. 

Bellamy was in a bed now while Octavia sat close to him shaking with worry and holding Lincolns hand as the doctor examined her brother. Abby slipped her stethoscope under the soldier’s shirt and listened to his heart and lungs, brow furrowed in concentration. She even had Lincoln help roll Bellamy over so she could press the stethoscope to his back. 

After the examination Abby looked sadly at Octavia. “From what I can tell his body was too weak to fight the virus off and…… it’s turned into Pneumonia. He’s having trouble breathing because his lungs are filling up with fluid. We can give him oxygen but he really needs antibiotics to fight the virus and the fever and that’s something that we just don’t have.”

Octavia could hardly speak but Lincoln seemed to be thinking as she was when he asked her question for her. 

“So does that mean he’s..?”

Abby grimaced and looked at her hands. “I don’t know if he will be able to fight off the infection with his body as weak as it is. If he had been sleeping or eating properly than maybe but…..”

Octavia stared at her brother and felt her cheeks grow wet. If she lost him, her big brother, the person that protected her from the moment she was born, the person she trusted and loved most in this world, she would never recover.

Just thinking about having to bury her brother made her sniffing turn into sobs as she took Bellamy’s hand. “Please don’t go Bell. Please stay.”

Lincoln rested a hand on Octavia’s shoulder but turned back to the doctor when he remembered. They had plants that they used to heal people in his village and he had heard stories about Clarke healing Jasper with some. He didn’t know which plants they were but Octavia knew who did.

“Clarke found them and made a tea to help Jasper. I know how to make the tea but I don’t know where she went to get the plant only Well’s and Finn went with her and they’re both….dead.”

Abby nodded as she understood. “We need to find Clarke. She needs to come home.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry i left this for so long but anyway heres chapter two im sorry its so crap i just hadn't been able to think of how to do this one. Any way i hope you enjoy it

Octavia looked sadly down at her brother, smoothing a hand through his hair.

“He hasn’t been the same since Mount Weather and when Clarke left…..”

She didn’t finish but Abby nodded, understanding anyway. 

“I’ll get him set up with an IV and some oxygen but it may be a while till he wakes up. His body is doing everything it can to fight the sickness and that means making him rest. I’ll do everything I can but I just don’t know if he can fight this.”

Once Abby had set up everything for Bellamy, Octavia went outside to address the small crowd that had gathered. It was mostly what was left of the 100 and they were worried about the one delinquent leader they had left.

“What’s wrong with Bellamy? Is he gonna be okay?” 

Miller asked on behalf of the others. He had been on watch with him when it happened. 

“He has pneumonia. It looks pretty bad, I don’t know if…” The thought of her losing her big brother sent a wave of panic over her and she barley felt Lincolns hand on her arm as he came to stand with her.

“He’ll be okay. But just in case maybe we should find Clarke?” A few of the other kids called out their agreement and Monty even offered to go find her but Octavia still wasn’t sure she was ready to forgive that girl for what she had done.

“She abandoned us, She abandoned him. If my brother dies, I will go out there and find her myself so that I can kill her.”

She stormed back into the med tent, ignoring the yelling delinquents. She knew Lincoln would sort them out for her. Right now all she cared about was her brother so she sat beside him and pushed back the tangle of curls on his forehead. 

His hand was clammy and cool but his forehead was too warm. Her big brother, the person that had taken care of her all her life, was laying here dying. And it was all Clarkes fault. Bellamy had been sent to that mountain and now he was on oxygen and an IV. Octavia closed her eyes and rested her head on her brother’s shoulder just begging that he would be okay.

“Please Bellamy, please just wake up so that I don’t have to find the girl you’re in love with and kill her.”

She heard Lincoln enter the tent behind her and soon felt a hand on her back. 

“Octavia, your brother is strong. He has proven that many times, but I think we should find Clarke.”

Octavia lifted her head to look at the grounder. 

“Why would I let her anywhere near my brother again? Look what she did! He trusted her, he loves her and she sent him to that mountain! This is her fault!” 

Abby came in then, hands full of medical equipment. “Sorry if I’m interrupting but I wanted to check on your brother. And he will rest better if it’s in a quiet tent.” The doctor gave the two a warning glance and Octavia half waned to punch the doctor but knew it wouldn’t do anyone good especially her brother.

Octavia nodded and took Lincolns hand in silent apology Dr Griffin sat on the other side of her brother. 

Abby was writing up a proper medical chart for Bellamy though nothing about his condition had changed.

Lincoln looked pleadingly at Octavia. “If it’s to save your brother don’t you think you could resist killing her?” 

“But you don’t only want her here to help Bellamy.”

Lincoln shook his head. “She was good for the camp. The kids need her. And as much as you hate what she did you have to remember she did it for your brother and the safety of her people. I don’t quite forgive her either and you know I’ll follow you wherever but I think it’s a good idea to have her back.”

Octavia didn’t want to see her again. She didn’t want her anywhere near this camp but Lincoln was right.

Bellamy’s wheezing grew more struggled and Abby moved closer as he started coughing. Octavia had all but forgotten the doctor had been there and startled when she started yelling instructions.

“Octavia sit behind him, sit him up, it will help clear his airway.”

The younger Blake sibling quickly slid in the bed behind her brother as Lincoln held him up and Abby turned him slightly so he could breathe easier. The coughing subsided and Octavia ran a hand through the soldier’s curls. 

“Go get her.” Lincoln nodded and ran out of the tent.

A little while later some of the delinquents were allowed to come and visit. Monty was particularly worried as was Miller and Octavia tried to put on a brave face.

“He’ll be okay guys. He’s just not doing so great at the moment.”

“But Clarke will be here soon and she can help.” Monty looked so hopeful and Octavia couldn’t help but give a small smile. Miller nodded as well.

“Lincoln looked like he knew where he was going when he left and he said he wouldn’t’ be long. He was heading to the river I think.”

“Makes sense, there’s an old automobile near there, a big one. That’s probably where she’s staying.” 

Monty and Miller stayed for a little while longer but eventually left for dinner.

Octavia sat alone with her brother, holding him as close as she could in case Lincoln didn’t make it back in time and muttered “Let’s hope your princess is easy to find.”

……………………………

Lincoln took nothing but a weapon and an empty bag as he sprinted through the woods to find Clarke. He had a rough idea of where she might have gone because he heard Monty and Miller arguing over it.

“She would have gone for the nearest source of water so she could-“

“This is Clarke we’re talking about. She would have gone somewhere she could keep an eye on us without us being able to see her. And I bet she would find somewhere with lots of plants for medicinal purposes so that she could still help people while she was away.”

In the end they were both right. There was an ancient automobile, a big long one, half buried near the river. Lincoln knew that was the most logical place for her to go and he knew how to get there. It was a fair bit away though and so he hurried through the woods as fast as he could, knowing that every minute that passed was another minute Bellamy’s lungs filled with fluid. 

He ran for hours but finally he could see the edge of the dirty metal vehicle where it stuck up from the ground. And for a second he swore he saw a flash of golden hair. The grounder ran faster. 

As he got closer he could see her crouched beside a small patch of herbs, hands dirtied and pushing the roots of a plant into the soil with gentle pats. He didn’t want to startle her and so waited till he was closer. 

Lincoln watched the girl as he came closer, her head twitched in his direction but didn’t turn and he could see one of her hands reach back for something in her boot. When Lincoln was a meter away from her and about to call out Clarke turned and lunged, pressing the grounder against the metal wall of her new home and pressing a knife to his throat. 

“What are you-? Lincoln?” She searched his face and slowly took the knife away, releasing her grip on him.

“Sorry. I’ve had to be careful.”

“I’m glad you have been. Clarke we need you to-“

The girl interrupted again, turning back to her plants.

“I’m not going back just because you ask me to. I’m doing well here, I’ve found a home and I can sleep eight hours most nights now I don’t need anything screwing that u-“

This time Lincoln interrupted. 

“It’s Bellamy.” The girls head turned slowly, suspiciously, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“What about Bellamy? If he wants me to come back so bad why didn’t he come himself?”

Lincoln shook his head with a somber expression. 

“He’s sick Clarke.” 

She was still suspicious of him but Lincoln could see the slow growing panic in her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“He hasn’t been handling things well since the mountain. Octavia and I have been trying but he wasn’t eating or sleeping and when the sickness came he was too weak to fight it off. It’s worse.”

Clarke was breathing heavier now and she moved closer to Lincoln not wanting to miss or misinterpret any word.

“How bad is it?”

“Your mother called it pneumonia, said his lungs are filling with fluid. He can’t breathe and he hasn’t woken up since he fell three days ago. Your mother says he needs antibiotics but they don’t have any. I’ve heard of your tea that helped Jasper and Finn.”

Clarke seemed to flinch at those names and she turned away from him.

“Bellamy isn’t strong enough to fight this sickness without you Clarke. He needs that tea.”

Lincoln couldn’t see her face with her turned away from him but he watched as her blonde head bobbed in a nod. The girl started grabbing things, disappearing from her metal home and coming out with a bag full of supplies. 

“We need to collect the seaweed from the river and I’ve got a few other plants that might help as well. Let’s go.” 

The walk to the river was tense, with Clarke bursting with questions that she hadn’t yet asked and Lincoln simply waiting for her to ask. He knew she understood what pneumonia was even if he didn’t and he hoped she would know how to cure it. 

They got to the river and Clarke waded in immediately, grabbing as much of the red seaweed as she could and stuffing into Lincolns pack. She was quiet, with her eyebrows scrunched in concentration and her face was wet though he couldn’t tell if it was from tears or from river water. 

AS they were walking back it became clear she was crying, her sniffles audible in the quiet woods. Finally she asked her questions.

“Just how bad is he?”

Lincoln watched her face carefully as he replied. 

“Your mother was doing everything she could when I left but she said he might not be strong enough no matter what she did. His fever was too high and he could barely breathe. Octavia probably hasn’t left his side still.”

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut in a wince for a moment before opening them and carrying on. 

“She must hate me.”

Lincoln wasn’t one for coddling but he did his best to be compassionate. He quite liked Clarke. 

“She is angry, yes but I’m sure she’ll be more than grateful that you’re back to help her brother. The other’s will be happy to see you too.”

The blonde shook her head.

“I doubt it. How’s Jasper been? And Monty and Raven?”

Lincoln knew she would worry about them. 

“Jasper is hardly himself, Octavia has been quite worried for him but has had to focus on Bellamy. Harper's been taking care of him. Monty’s okay and Raven is doing well. How have you been?”

Clarke shrugged. “Better then you guys. I shouldn’t have left, it was selfish of me to leave all that responsibility and guilt with Bellamy.”  
She sniffed again and her voice was thick with emotion. “This is my fault.”

Lincoln didn’t argue but didn’t blame her either so simply replied with “We’re almost there. You’ll see him soon.”

She nodded as they continued to walk. 

Clarke starting running when the camp walls came into sight. Her breathing was ragged from the exercise and the emotions the sight brought. Lincoln knew there would be people at the gate waiting for her arrival and hoped one of them would be able to tell them if Bellamy's state had worsened. 

There was shouting and the gates were opened before they even reached the entrance and the two rushed inside, Clarke running ahead to the medical tent while Lincoln slowed a little to allow Monty to run alongside him.

“He’s been getting worse I could hear Octavia crying from all the way across the camp but Abby wouldn’t let anyone else in.”

The grounder picked up speed and finally made his way into the med tent.

Octavia was yelling at Clarke while the blonde stood there with her hands over her mouth and wide eyes focused on Bellamy.

He looked bad. Worse than when he left. The soldier was pale but had red spots of fever on his cheeks and his breathing was so ragged and shallow he could hear the boys breathing from the doorway. He sounded like he was drowning and he probably was. There were blankets and padding stuffed behind him to hold his chest and head up in an attempt to help him breathe. It wasn’t working.

“I’ll kill you if he dies Clarke! You should have been here! This is your fault and you’re going to fix it or I swear to god I’ll-“

Lincoln pulled the hysterical girl into his arms to stop her yelling and she buried her face into his chest as she sobbed. 

Clarke was still staring at Bellamy but wiped her eyes with a determined hand and took a deep breath. She was in doctor mode now. 

“Someone needs to get my mum in here and I need water and something to boil it with.” 

Monty, who was listening at the doorway, scampered off to find everything, returning only a few minutes later. Octavia had calmed down by the time the kid entered holding a big pot of water with the help of Miller, Abby following behind them.

“Oh Clarke I’m so glad you’re-“

“Mum. Later.” Clarke could only focus on her soldier in the bed. All she could think about was saving him.

Miller and Monty got the pot of water boiling and Clarke opened her bag and got to work.

She threw the seaweed in, adding a few other flowers and roots to the water as well, stirring the concoction and watching the water turn red. She sat on the edge of Bellamy’s bed and asked her mother about his condition, nodding and turning back to her bag for something.  
Clarke hesitated, looking at the man as he struggled to breathe before the determined look returned to her eyes and she unfolded a pouch in her lap.

It held a sort or cream that was cloudy and watery and Lincoln could smell it from where he stood a few meters away. The girl tentatively smeared it on Bellamy’s heaving chest and neck before tucking the blankets back over him. Abby laid another cool cloth on Bellamy’s forehead and took his pulse once again as Clarke checked the tea.

She looked to Octavia, eyes lowered but voice stern. “Get him to drink the tea every few hours, it’s an antibiotic and has a relaxant in it to help his body get some rest. When his breathing gets better we can try feeding him something to get his strength up.”

Octavia sat with her brother and held his hand, looking at the glistening smears on his chest. 

“What was that stuff you put on him?”

Clarke came to slowly sit beside the siblings, laying a hand on Bellamy’s knee. 

“It should help him breathe and clear his lungs. It’s made from a plant I found in the woods.”

Octavia nodded but didn’t take her eyes off her brother. 

“Thank you for coming Clarke. I’m still mad at you for what you did. The bomb, leaving us, leaving my Bell. You’re important to him and when you left…. He couldn’t look after everyone and himself at the same time. He was worried about you and trying to deal with the guilt from what you guys did and it was too much without you here to help him. I know you needed your time too…. Just, thank you. For coming back.” 

She looked at Clarke only for her last words, though her voice was thick with tears. Clarke was crying too.

“I care about him too. I’m sorry I left. I just couldn’t bear to see everyone after what I did and what I did to Bellamy. This is my fault and I’m so sorry. I’ll do everything I can to make him better.”

Octavia looked at the girl in the eyes this time and let out a small smile. 

“I know you will.”

Octavia hadn’t forgiven Clarke but she didn’t doubt for a second that Clarke would do everything she could for Bellamy. And Bellamy was all that mattered right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke woke to Octavia’s crying. It had been two days since she had gotten back to Camp Jaha and she hadn’t yet left Bellamy’s tent. Octavia had been there even longer and still refused to leave her brother. 

Staying quiet as she woke Clarke peeked up from her position in her chair; head in her folded arms as she sat near the edge of the tent. Octavia was in her usual spot beside her brother, holding his hand and crying over him. She was talking to him; soft, desperate pleas that Clarke was afraid to overhear.

The medic closed her eyes again, trying to go back to sleep in order to give the siblings some privacy but the whispers found their way to her ears anyway.

“Please wake up Bell, please just open your eyes or squeeze my hand and let me know you’re okay. I can’t be on this earth without you, I don’t want to. You promised to protect me. Just……..wake up Bell.” She sobbed, great heaving breaths that made her sound as though she were suffocating.

Clarke realized she was hyperventilating, panicked at the thought of her brother leaving her. Worried, she looked up to where the girl was pressing her face to Bellamy’s shoulder, one hand in his hair and the other on his cheek. Clarke felt tears of her own fall down her face at the sight of someone so close to losing all that mattered to her. 

With her face pressed to her big brothers shirt, Octavia’s words were muffled, but in the small tent Clarke could still hear them.

“I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid.”

Clarke felt the same terror Octavia had in her voice. Bellamy didn’t seem to be responding to the treatments she had been giving. She fed him tea every few hours and did her best to get his fever down but nothing was working. He was pale, save for the red blush of fever on his cheeks and the bruises around his eyes. And he was getting thin. Raven had said he had been losing weight ever since they got back from Mount Weather. Ever since she left. But now, unconscious, he couldn’t eat what he needed to offer his body any strength, and the soup they fed him only did so much.

His laboured breathing was exhausting just to listen to, the struggle he made to simply breathe. If he didn’t show signs of improvement soon…… 

Clarke buried her face back into her arms, where her tears could fall into the fabric of her shirt without anyone noticing. 

...................................

When Clarke woke again Octavia was tear stain free and helping Raven wipe Bellamy’s skin down with cool cloths. His fever was persistent and hadn’t yet broken. Raven was chatting to Bellamy and was the first to notice Clarke as she woke and moved towards them. 

“-But it’s okay I’ll get it fixed by tomorrow. Wick said he could get it done by lunch today but honestly he’s dreaming if he thinks he can get the compressor working by then without my help. Hey Clarke's here, not like she’s left-“

The mechanic gave Clarke an admonishing look before going back to wiping her cool cloth down the boys neck and shoulder. 

“-But she’ll get you fixed up in no time.”

Clarke had been so relieved to see Raven, as well as the others, doing okay and she was beyond grateful that most of them were happy to have her back.

She still hadn’t seen Jasper but she couldn’t blame him. Raven had been making sure Clarke took care of herself and not just her patient. After all her time as the only doctor of a group of delinquents living on earth she knew that she couldn’t help anyone if she didn’t take care of herself but it was hard to think of anything but Bellamy. 

She couldn’t eat without thinking of how skinny and weak his body was, couldn’t leave the tent without seeing his face when she left him at those gates, and couldn’t sleep without thinking he might never wake up.

She pushed the dark thoughts away and focused on the cool water dripping down her hands as she took a wet rag and folded it for Bellamy’s forehead. Clarke placed the compress on and took one of his limp wrists, monitoring his heart rate as she watched his chest rise and fall. 

It may have been her own wishful thinking but she thought his heartbeat might have been stronger than the last time she checked. Wanting to be sure, the blonde placed his wrist down and pressed her fingers to his neck instead. If she hadn’t been watching him so closely she might not have noticed when he moved. The tiniest crease appeared in the space between his eyebrows and his head rolled minutely towards her. 

She was about to say something when Octavia jumped up from her chair. 

“He squeezed my hand!”

All three girls looked towards his twitching fingers in his sister’s face and back to his face. Clarke leaned close to his face, fingers resting against his flushed cheek. 

“Bellamy? Can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes.” 

The room was silent in anticipation, the only sounds were the labored breaths of the boy they were so eagerly watching. 

He was exhausted and it was slow but his eyes flickered and opened just enough for Clarke to see his beautiful brown irises. Clarke could see his eyes were unfocused and he probably didn’t even know they were there, and then, a few seconds after they opened, they closed again.   
When he didn’t open them again or move after a few moments Octavia looked at Clarke. 

“Is he okay? He woke up, for a few seconds, but that’s good right?” 

Clarke let a real smile warm her face as tears filled her eyes. He was okay.

“Yes. It’s very good.”

Raven looked unconvinced. “After all that waiting, a few seconds of him staring at the ceiling is all we get?” 

She sounded offended, as if she’d been cheated out of something and Clarke laughed, a little hysteria creeping in because she had been so worried but he was going to be fine.

“He’s exhausted, he’s still fighting off the pneumonia but he’ll get stronger and will wake for longer periods as he gets better. We aren’t going to lose him.”

The blonde looked down at her once co-leader, smile still firmly on her face. She felt like she could say it a million times. He’s okay.

Clarke heard a sniffle and turned to see Octavia staring at her brother, still holding his hand and stroking his fingers. When Octavia noticed Clarke looking at her she looked back and smiled before letting go of Bellamy’s hand and instead wrapping her arms around Clarke. She squeezed her tight, all her gratitude pouring out of her arms and into the embrace.

“Thank you for saving him.”

Clarke hugged the girl back looking at Bellamy over her shoulder. 

“Thanks for bringing me back.”


	4. Chapter 4

Bellamy felt too hot, like there was a fire under his skin that was melting his insides, but the surface of his skin was too cold and he was shivering. He didn’t know where he was, his eyes wouldn’t open and his mind was sluggish and sticky, too hard to think about much or stay conscious for long. But he knew Octavia was there. He could feel her hand in his and hear her when she talked to him.

His little sister was taking care of him. If he could have, he would have smiled. Instead he drifted.

When he woke next his eyes were still closed, still in the warm darkness, but his head was a little clearer. He also noticed how hard it was to breathe. His chest was tight and his lungs felt heavy, every breath taking effort just to expand them enough to get in the air he needed. He felt like he was suffocating. He didn’t like it.

Bellamy grunted and turned his head, trying to find some way to get the brick off his chest. He was getting more agitated, moving around didn’t ease the pressure at all. He tried pushing the sheets off him, wanting to open his eyes but they were stuck shut. Someone grabbed his wrists and held them still at his sides. He was becoming panicked at not being able to move or breathe and he whimpered, as he tried again to tug his hands out of the person’s grip.

There were voices then and he turned his head towards them, trying to concentrate on what they were saying.

“Bellamy, it’s okay. I’m here, you’re okay, just stay still alright? You have an IV in you don’t want to pull it out.”

It was Octavia and she was running her hands through his hair, pushing it back and calming him down. If she was there, he was safe. He stilled and his hands were released but he whimpered still.

“Don’t feel good. Can’t breathe.”

He pushed the gravelly words out and sucked in another breath of air. Talking was hard.

“Oh I know Bell. We’ll get you better. Clarke's here, she’s taking good care of you.”

Bellamy scrunched his eyebrows and turned his face into his sister’s cool hands. He thought Clarke was gone, how was she back?

Sensing his confusion, Octavia explained before he could tire himself further by asking.

“She came back to help you get better. You have pneumonia Bell, it’s going to be a while till your breathing gets better. But you’re doing better already. Do you think you could open your eyes?”

He tried but they were so heavy and his energy was already fading. He felt like he had been away a long time though and didn’t want to leave his sister. He gave up on his eyes and shook his head, squeezing her hand instead. 

“Okay, it’s alright, Clarke said you’d be tired. Do you want something to eat?”

He shook his head again. Eating sounded like too much effort. 

“Bell, please? You need to get strong so you can get better.”

She sounded so sad but Bellamy was already losing the war with exhaustion. 

“Okay. I’m just glad you’re safe. I was so worried Bellamy. I thought I was going to lose my big brother.” 

She started crying and Bellamy reached a heavy arm out to pull her to his chest. She curled onto his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his chest as he laid his arms across her shoulders. He felt like he hadn’t hugged his sister in ages. She shook against him and he held her.

“I’d never leave you O.”

She sniffled and settles against him as he drifted back to sleep.

………………………………

Clarke was taking a rare break from the med tent to eat something and was just finishing when Raven came limping over. Clarke jumped up, closing the distance between and taking hold of the mechanics shoulders.

“Bellamy?”

“He woke up again, he was getting agitated with the blankets and was panicking, he would have ripped the IV out if I hadn’t stopped him. Octavia’s with him now, she calmed him down, it’s okay. He couldn’t open his eyes but he was talking.”

Clarke nodded, smiling at the news.

“He’s getting stronger, that’s good. I should bring him something to eat, maybe some meat now that he’s awake to actually chew it.”  
Raven nodded and left the girl to it.

Clarke wanted to see Bellamy awake and talking so badly but decided to give the siblings some time to themselves. By the time Clarke made it back to the med tent Bellamy was already asleep, with his little sister asleep on his shoulder. His arms were wrapped around her so he had obviously been coherent enough to know what was happening. 

She set the bowl of soup and meat down and went to sit beside the soldier’s bed, taking his wrist in her hand and counting out his pulse. It was stronger and she noticed his skin was cooler too. 

The medic reached a hand up to feel his cheeks and saw his eyelids flicker. He shifted, turning his face into her open palm and tightened his grip on Octavia. She didn’t want to wake the girl yet and tried to keep quiet.

“Shhh, Bellamy it’s okay.”

He grunted and frowned. 

“Clarke?” His voice was rough from disuse but it was the most beautiful sound and Clarke smiled at finally being able to hear it after so long.

“Yeah. I’m here.”

“Came…back.” He was so tired but Clarke couldn’t bring herself to stop talking.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I left, but I’m here now.”

He breathed out as big a sigh as he could manage and lifted a hand from his sister to reach it vaguely towards Clarke.

“Don’t…leave. Stay. Here.”

She took his searching hand and held it gratefully, tears filling her eyes. He wanted her there.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

The Blake smiled and nodded.

“Good. Gotta have my… princess.” And he was asleep. Clarke blushed at the familiar nick name and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“Goodnight Bellamy.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know if this one makes any sense. i think the pacing is way off also. anyway hope you like this please let me know what you think but be gentle with me my day hasn't gone so well

Bellamy looked up, amused, at Clarke where she was concentrating on his chest. She had her eyebrows scrunched and lips pursed, making her look mad, as she moved the stethoscope head across his chest. The medic noticed him staring and tried not to smile at the smirk he was giving her.

“Bellamy, stop you’re distracting me.”

She playfully covered his eyes but let him brush her hand away and went back to listening to his lungs. They were clearer than they were yesterday but she would have preferred them to be clear completely. 

“So how am I looking doc?” He finished off by coughing harshly, wincing as the deep bursts rattled his ribs and hurt his already raw throat.   
Clarke winced in sympathy and rubbed his back till he settled.

“Not as good as I’d like but much better than before. I know the coughing hurts but it’s actually helping to clear your lungs and as long as you keep drinking that tea I made you you’ll be better in no time.”

Clarke draped the stethoscope around her shoulders and tugged on both ends as she rolled her shoulders. Bellamy breathed out a laugh being careful not to trigger another coughing fit.

“You look like a real doctor now with that thing around your neck.”

“Well I ought to be, saving your ass this often.” Clarke smiled, loving that she got to have these little conversations with her co-leader again. Bellamy smiled with serious eyes, seemingly thinking the same thing. Laughing a bit at himself the soldier cleared his throat and snuck a look up at Clarke.

“So I heard Octavia threatened to kill you if you didn’t fix me.” Clarke let out a laugh and Bellamy smiled, glad she thought it was funny rather than taking it as another reason to feel guilty.

“Yes, she was quite determined to save you. She made me promise to do everything I possibly could to make you better. Of course I would have done it anyway even if she hadn’t threatened me. She loves you a lot.”

Bellamy didn’t miss what she’d said in the middle. She would have done anything to make him better.

“Yeah I love her a lot too. She tried to take care of me after….. everything. I still get the nightmares; memories of the mountain, but it’s not so bad. I just needed time to process everything and make everything normal again. It was just hard to forget all the people we lost and not to feel guilty for being alive and safe at the expense of their lives.”

He didn’t know why he was telling her this, maybe he just wanted her to understand why he had gotten so sick.

“It wasn’t O’s fault I was like I was. It wasn’t yours either. I just wasn’t thinking straight.”

Clarke nodded.

“I have nightmares too and I haven’t forgotten those we lost either; our people or the innocent ones in Mount Weather. But don’t worry, I’m here to knock some sense into your head now and I’m not planning on leaving again.”

Bellamy smiled, trying not to let his elation show too much. She could see it in his eyes anyway.

“Good.” 

He took her hand and held it between both of his, massaging her fingers as he looked at her.

“I’m glad you’re back. And thank you for saving me Clarke, I know it mustn’t’ have been easy to give up what you had in the forest just to come back here.”

He had his puppy face on and Clarke shook her head, looking at their hands rather than his eternally sad eyes.

“I did like it there but I had to come back sometime. I realized being alone made it harder to feel safe, it was making me turn into the hard person that pulled that lever in the mountain rather than bringing me back to who I was. Am. I needed to face what I’d done rather than run from it. And Bellamy-” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and couldn’t hold back the tremors in her voice.

Everything she had wanted to say to him from the moment she was back in camp came tumbling out. 

“I’m so sorry for leaving you. For making you take care of everyone by yourself, it wasn’t fair of me. You pulled that lever with me and I should have been here. You could have died, I’m so sorry.” She was crying now and Bellamy pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her as she tucked her small body to his.

“It’s okay, you’re here now that’s all that matters. You came back.”

Clarke hugged her soldier tightly and sniffled, trying to stop her tears.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to..” She tried to pull away but he snuggled her closer, slipping his hands around her waist and closing his eyes as he held her.

“Let’s just stay for a little while longer. I missed you Clarke.” She smiled and closed her eyes as she pressed against him, warm and solid and safe.

“I missed you too.”

When they parted Bellamy wore a gentle smile and used a finger to catch a stray tear from her chin.

“All better.”

Clarke looked at him, his dark, deep eyes and his curly hair that framed his freckled face. He wore a smile on his soft lips, one that made the edges of his eyes crinkle just a little bit and Clarke decided that this was her favorite smile. It was a smile that said he could see every part of her, good and bad, all the dark corners of her soul, and he loved it all. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to embrace his lips with her own and run her fingers through his hair as he held her and kissed her back. 

The medic realised she was staring at his lips as she bit her own and she blushed and looked at her feet while Bellamy chuckled. He was blushing too because he had been staring at her eyes. They held the world and shone with such beauty and ferocity that he was sure he could get lost in them. But what he loved most about them, was the way she looked at him; like he was hers, the way he wanted to be.   
She was standing so close to him and he was still amazed that she was even there, with him. Her hair was longer and she was skinnier than when he had last seen her but she was there. He lifted a cautious hand to where her hair was swinging in front of him, the golden strands catching some of the light that shone through the tent. She was beautiful. 

Bellamy caught a lock of her trailing hair, playing with the strands and weaving them between his gentle fingers. She moved a few inches closer so he could feel her breathe on his face while his own, shallow puffs of air, warmed Clarkes neck. It was a gentle moment, so intimate yet innocent and it occurred to Bellamy that, if he looked up now, he would be close enough for his lips to brush hers. But he knew if he did he would kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so badly, he wanted to feel her chest heaving beneath his hands as he held her, their lips locked together, his hands on her back. But Clarke was too important for him to scare away.

Clarke watched as Bellamy played with her hair, his eyes showing thoughts far more complicated than anything hair related and she wanted him to tell her what he looked so hopeful yet sombre about. She could feel his hot breath on her neck and chest, her knees felt weak and she was breathing harder than normal. She wanted him to look up just then, in that moment where she felt so close to him, so that they could look into each other’s eyes and see everything. She knew she’d always find her answers in his eyes, no matter the question. His lips parted slowly and his tongue slid along them before he captured his bottom lip between his teeth. Clarke watched intently as she unknowingly did the same.

Her hands, where they were hanging at her sides, captured his, stilling his movements in her hair and capturing his attention. She slid one had from his wrist to his palm to hold it softly while the other made its way to his other shoulder, the muscles moving quietly under hand.   
“Princess.” The soft whisper made Clarkes heart beat faster and she stared at his face till he finally raised his head to look at her. She was standing in the space between his legs as he sat on the bed, making her feel surrounded in him, safe. She looked in his bright eyes, so close to her that his nose brushed hers.

Bellamy took in Clarke now that her face was almost touching his, she was holding his hand and her touch on his skin was like fire, as if she was the one that had a fever. The soldier pressed his thighs to her hips, holding her between them, and saw a small smile touch her lips. Her lips, so close to his, whispered his name, like a sigh and he was gone. He tipped his face forward, her lips brushing his as her breathed her in. His hands found her waist, sliding over her ribs and to her back, she was so solid and real beneath his hands he had no doubt this was reality, even though it felt like a dream. 

His lips brushed hers again and she moved closer, capturing his lips in hers, so gently. She was so soft and Bellamy had to hold himself back from all that he wanted to do with her. She moved under his hands and he returned her kiss with the passion he felt every time he saw her. Clarke melted at his touch and lost herself in their quiet moment, while Bellamy lost himself just as she did. 

With their eyes closed, touch helped them to see, and all they saw was each other. 

Bellamy soaked on his Princess and thought, in a brief moment of clarity in the bliss he was in, almost dying was worth it to get Clarke back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive never been kissed before (dont laugh at me) so these things are always hard for me to write but whatever let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> I will be doing more chapters for this so kudos and reviews are always greatly appreciated   
> (seriously they make my day) and letting me know what u might like to see in the next chapter would be awesome i love feedback and suggestions.  
> Thanks guys!


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